My life tells a completely different story, but the truth is I dream big.
I dream bigger than my pockets can handle; in ways that scare my family; as often as possible; and with the personal assurance that they will come true in some time and place.
I am also impatient and easily manipulated by what I maybe too often see as the disrespect of my dreams. Both of these traits have made that time and that place more distant than it probably has to be.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about this. What do I want really really bad? And what am I able and willing to do to get it?
I hate it when people say that anything one wants s/he can get without providing this kind of addendum. Most people can’t just go out and travel the world, save it, or become master of it without making some decisions about where they will draw the line in their pursuit and what kind of assistance they will need to complement their personal ability.
I have a few abilities I’m pretty proud of and that would help me get some of that stuff I want really really bad. But the catch is that I’m a little too much of a loner; gun shy to hear me tell it, about sharing or gathering assistance with my dreams. It’s kinda like being real smart but not requesting any reference letters to send in with your scholarship applications. You’ll probably find yourself and your abilities sharing a lonely cardboard box under a bridge somewhere.
I’ve been given enough side eyes, crooked grins, and flat out disses to bother trying get other folks in my hot air balloon. I’d rather go it alone. And though the price of the ticket is a little higher, I savor every one just the same.
I guess I’m just venting, or trying to figure things out aloud maybe. But I know there is some merit to this conversation other than that.
Recently, I’ve noticed that my r.e.m. dreams are so intense that I physically feel and usually wake up with the sensations that are happening in the dream. In the last week I have woken up laughing, crying, and once, trying to run from a cat or some animal that was about to attack in the dream.
I get the connection: Big dreams. Apparently the only kind I am capable of and suddenly catching in my crawl, like, “So whatchu gonna do? You’d better poop or get off the pot!” Putting crazy fire under my feet.
I don’t know what big dream I’m dreaming into manifestation. I just know whatever manifests this time has got to be bigger than my present. (Which won’t be so hard after all because it’s, frankly, a dark skinny corner I’ll be glad to see shrivel away to dust and memory sooner than later).
Dreaming big dreams tonight,