Day 15: What would you do if you were–or got someone else–pregnant?
If I found out today that I was pregnant I would hail the miracle as the Second Coming of Jesus Christ of Nazarath and change my name to darlene the Don Dada because that would make me a bad-d-d-d-d shutyomouf. Or else
I would remove my right leg with a hacksaw and turn the foot inward so that I could kick myself until gangrene settled in and put me out of my trifling misery.
If I got someone else pregnant I would be texting my resignation as I headed to the patent office prepared to bottle and sell my miracle and cash in on my millions. Or else
I would be on my way to the Police Station to issue a restraining order against my (now former) partner while calling the Psychiatric Ward and adding his address and phone number to their registry.