What happened; what I felt

For the first time in four years my ICD “delivered therapy,” which I discovered days after “the event” when my electrophysiologist’s nurse called to ask “if I was okay.”

What happened:

“Ventricular antitachycardia pacing (ATP) therapy delivers pacing pulses to interrupt a tachyarrhythmia episode and restore normal sinus rhythm. ATP therapy is considered painless and requires less battery energy than cardioversion and defibrillation. ATP may be programmed On in the device prior to the delivery of high-voltage therapies.”

What happened:

Four miles. A quarter mile fartlek; a quarter mile faster fartlek. A lot of sweat. A tenth of a mile walk uphill. Some electrolyte water.

What I felt:

Fine.

What did not happen:

“Delivery of high voltage therapies.”

What did not happen:

Five miles. Fatigue.

What I felt:

Accomplished.

***

For the first time in four years my ICD “delivered therapy,” which I discovered days after “the event” when my electrophysiologist’s nurse called to ask if I “was okay.” I was in the middle of a sweaty workout when she called; definitely caught off guard that I hadn’t felt what I had been told would feel like a horse kicking me in the chest. What I’ve felt since has been a combination of fine, fatigue, fright, and accomplished. Which feels fairly metaphoric, but I’m a creative-type so everything is symbolism and image to me. I figure that’s close enough to “okay.”

Back in the less sweaty months I recorded this podcast with Adrian Jones, an endurance athlete who also faced down some cardiac issues, but it was released just after I got the call from the ep nurse this week. Which is probably connected too. The universe is full of that sort of thing; just pay attention to what happens…and to what you feel. And hopefully whatever those are or how they converge can be close enough to “okay” for you to be.

Here’s the podcast; (make sure you rate it on Apple podcasts and listen to the other episodes too)!

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