Have you ever thought to yourself, “I wish I were popular?”

If you are old enough to have pubic hair and still whine, “I wish I had more friends or at least people to fill up the back covers of my yearbook with autographs, you know, to prove I’m interesting; I’m fun; a really neat person,” then you are probably a loser.

Well, whine no more!

The Social Utility Network has been market-tested and is now available for social anxiety sufferers such as yourself!

Social Utility Networks are not intended for the direct sale of services or goods (though pimping may sometimes occur).  They are FREE!  Yes, we said FREE!  But you are advised to use them at your own risk.

Watch your friends quotient grow exponentially as classmates who never said a complete sentence to you in school garner your affections through random friend requests and Hot Comments©!

You…