How To Tell If You’re a Trophy Friend
#1: You are always referred to by your attributes rather than your birth name.
Ex.  This is my white friend, my friend who wins pie-eating contests, my friend with the genius IQ, my friend with a big toe.

#2: You are introduced by title rather than by your first name.
Ex.  This is Dancer Friend, Doctor Friend, Professor Friend, Astronaut Friend, Super Friend.

#3: These introductions occur in situations in which the attributes and titles are not relevant.
Ex. grocery shopping, the barbeque, church, at the gym, during a bikini wax

How to Avoid Becoming a Trophy Friend
#1: Never be seen in public with the offender.
If no one sees you, no matter how often you’re described eventually people will start to believe you an imaginary entity.

#2: Be mediocre.
Trophy friends need a title or attribute that seems interesting, cool…